Vajazzling

Article on vajazzling for G3 Magazine March 2011.

Vajazzling, noun, a non-permanent beautification of the vagina achieved by applying gems to one’s waxed peach at a beauty salon or by way of a home fix kit. That’s what the Oxford English Dictionary might say, but there’s currently a lacklustre gap between ‘vainglorious’ and ‘valance’. Continue reading “Vajazzling”

On the Popemobile and selling WKD to lesbians

Article for G3 Magazine on gay political apathy.

On 18 September 2010 the Pope pootled into London in his white Perspex chariot. Thousands were planning to march from Hyde Park to Whitehall to protest against the Vatican’s views on, amongst other things, abortion, gay rights and the cover up of paedophile priests. My flatmate mentioned he was going ‘to see what the fuss was about’ as I boiled a morning brew. Continue reading “On the Popemobile and selling WKD to lesbians”

Housemates from Hell and how to avoid them

Article for G3 Magazine.

You’ve just stumbled back home from the pub. You fish for your keys and try to guide them soundlessly into the lock. Tiptoeing down the hallway you are relieved to find no light from under your flatmate’s door. Still, you potter around the kitchen in complete darkness- lest you wake ‘er upstairs- and prepare for a satisfying feed, but uh-oh you’ll have to borrow some butter again. With scientific precision you match the existing knife scrapings then replace the tub to its exact co-ordinates on the shelf. Satisfied she’ll never notice you ease the door shut. That’s when you see it through the gloom: another passive aggressive note. It begins “to whoever has been using my butter…” and ends with more contempt than you had for your parents aged 16. Sh*t.

Continue reading “Housemates from Hell and how to avoid them”

So you’re a massive gay who wants to be a writer? Here’s some advice.

Article on gay writing groups for G3 Magazine.

Only six months ago I was stuck in my uninspiring data entry job, repeatedly toying with the maximise/minimise button on my internet browser. I wanted to write fiction but couldn’t, wouldn’t, daren’t. Finally the sickening realisation that my life’s opus would only amount to a heap of spreadsheets collated between two saddle-stitched boards, moved me to action: I formed a gay creative writing group. Continue reading “So you’re a massive gay who wants to be a writer? Here’s some advice.”