Dear sales team,

Firstly I would like to thank you for making it possible to buy cockles online. I was worried I would have to make a hazardous trip to my local fishmongers, which is fraught with danger, and I don’t just mean because it’s in Peckham.

I’m also curious about the “cockle case” in which you trade the golden molluscs of delight. How long the cockles will last in this form before becoming truly inedible? Do you think five years is a reasonable estimate? If so they should suit my purposes wonderfully and I’d like to make a bulk order.

In fact I’d like to buy all of them. Everything you’ve got. Right down to the last shell covered aperture. I also need them delivered post haste as the zombie apocalypse is imminent. We’re talking days, possibly hours here. If it is safe to proceed I will enclose the co-ordinates of my bunker in an encrypted email when the transaction has been successful.



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