Quiz for Proud Magazine June 2010.
What kind of pride-goer are you?
1) You’re about to head out to Pride and take a parting glance in the mirror. What do you see?
a) A stubborn smidge of sun cream that your face is refusing to absorb.
b) A beautiful peacock, more glittery than a mirrorball and more fabulous than Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
c) Just you on a normal day, though you’ll probably concede to some rainbow body paint when you’re drunk.
2) You are on the march and you glimpse Nadia Almada from Big Brother in the throng. Do you…
a) bounce off the float, rush over to her with a selection of photographic equipment and insist she autograph your chest?
b) Show your admiration by throwing a genuine smile in her direction? She must hate being bombarded by fans and you’d probably only say something embarrassing anyway.
c) Grasp the banner you’re holding even tighter and reminisce about the days when it was all about politics and not z-list celebrities and incessant partying.
3) It’s midday and you’re hungry. What do you eat?
a) You head to one of the food vendors and pay an extortionate amount for a hot dog that looks like it was made from cold canines and give thanks for condiments.
b) Beer. Eating is cheating.
c) You produce a homely Tupperware container, complete with spoon, and happily devour the wholesome couscous and sundried tomato goodness inside.
4) The sky’s just decided to rain droplets the size of dildos, the ground is quickly turning to mud and a mass exodus from the park is beginning. Do you…
a) Seek refuge in a nearby pub and find comfort in the British reserve of the other hundred odd people sheltering under the same awning?
b) Open your pre-packed rainbow brolly and frogmarch to the train station extremely unimpressed?
c) Declare that not even God will rain on your parade, round up the gang and head for the funfair rides? Hell, you’re wet anyway!
5) The big day is finally drawing to a close. Someone’s pulled the plug on the sound systems and the crowds are dispersing. What do you do next?
a) It’s home time. All that protesting has done you in. Plus that pile of LGBT community leaflets is making your bag weigh a tonne.
b) It’s home time but not to your house; it’s all back to a mate’s for a few jars and a wind-down sesh.
c) It’s HOMO TIME! There’s an after party at your favourite club and you are gonna dance dance dance until you meet someone hot hot hot! Failing that there’s always tomorrow night to pull; you’ll still be going strong!
1) a) 1 b) 5 c) 3
2) a) 5 b) 3 c) 1
3) a) 3 b) 5 c) 1
4) a) 3 b) 1 c) 5
5) a) 1 b) 3 c) 5
You are a very handy person to know. Your forward-thinking skills will mean that you won’t be sunburnt, get wet, or have food poisoning the next day. You might not be as loud and garishly decorated as the rest and no one’s going to ask your advice on where to rave it up afterwards, but who do you think they’ll come running to when the Portaloos toilet roll dispensers are empty?
Pride is just another social event on your yearly calendar. You’ll get drunk and have fun but you’re not going to annoy anyone in the process. Depending on how raucous the rest of the crew get you may wake up with a massive hangover and “I heart Peter Tatchell’ written all over you or could just end up in the pub. Only the fates can decide your destiny.
You are going to have the best pride ever, if it kills you, which it actually may. You will be more visible than the sun, your voice booming with more bass than the dance tent as you consume untold amounts of everything in what could possibly be the best 72 hours of your life. Just make sure they’re not your last!
Photos thanks to Laura Denton.