20 October 2006
Road and Pavement Maintenance
Environment and Leisure Dept.
Walworth Town Hall
151 Walworth Road
Dear Sir or Madam,
Re: The Door That Goes Ping
For the past three weeks, every working day, I have been walking past a locked metal door – not dissimilar to those found on nuclear bunkers or submarines – in the underpass between Elephant and Castle shopping centre and the Fusion gym.
Now this rust infested portal, a urine-reeking hatch to Hades, has been emitting an incessant shrill PING! to all passers-by. Its whining not only manages to hit an ear piercing, skin crawling tone but also succeeds in beeping irregularly just to irritate everyone further.
Everyday I consider writing a strongly worded letter to the council and copying it to the Metro newspaper in the hope that someone will come and terminate this infernal racket. But the other day something quite marvellous occurred. An ordinary street-tramp was sat by the stoop with his Casio keyboard playing jaunty tunes akin to accordion buskers found on the Parisian Metro using the PING! to keep time. His Big Top-cum-Game Show medleys put a spring in my step and brightened my Monday morning blues. However, it is now Friday and the door is irritating me again. I would be most grateful if someone could investigate this noise before my eardrums burst?
Bleeding Ears Murphy
Air and Noise Pollution Unit, Department of Health
Room 692D, Skipton House
80 London Road, Elephant and Castle